I held momma’s hand tight as we walked under the giant arch. This new city, Pandavia, had streets of gold with shiny things white and clear everywhere. I bent down to pick one up but they were stuck in the ground! I let go of momma’s hand and dropped to the ground to get a closer look.
“Momma! Papa! Look at all the shiny rocks!” I screamed.
“How beautiful! They are diamonds and pearls, my son.” Mother grabbed my hand gently and pulled me closer to the cart. We had to be close, right? My feet were so tired. We had been walking for AN HOUR and I just couldn’t take it anymore.
Following the shiny road even further, we walked under what looked like a horseshoe but bigger than life! The two legs of the horseshoe were on each side of the road. Letters! They were in line across the top of the upside-down horseshoe.
An arch in India similar to the one the boy sees (Wiki)
“Pandavia,” Papa stood still, staring at the letters in the sky. That must be what it says. People behind us were getting closer, so we kept walking. The palace looked like it popped up right out of one of my nightly storybooks. I’ve never seen anything so pretty! There are so many colors! Smiling people with big soft colorful robes walked towards us. A purple robe man in the group embraced papa, and momma began crying.
“What is going on…” I whispered loudly, staring. Papa started following the purple robe man and momma and I were right behind. The sun was getting warmer as we continued walking. To my left, a girl and her family walking with a yellow robe man. I waved at her and she waved back, and then they went down a different road. Ahead of us were rows and rows of giant carts bigger than our old house! They were filled with oranges, grapes, apples, watermelons, cucumbers, broccoli, kiwi, and every other kind of food I’ve ever known and even more!
We passed the carts and came upon a house fit for a king. The purple robe man walked up to the door and turned the key. I dropped momma’s hand and ran inside first faster than a jackrabbit.
The colors! Reds and blues and purples and yellows! The fabric on the windows was more beautiful that his mother’s finest dress, and it was tied back on each side with gold string! We toured the entire house, and I got to pick a room to be my very own. I just know we will be happy here. I love Pandavia!
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Author’s Note. For this storytelling, I wanted to show the Pandavas city (which I renamed Pandavia from the Mahabharata’s Indraprastha) from the eyes of a child. In this story, a boy and his mother and father are in the caravan of families moving from Hastinapura to Pandavia. The walk the streets of gold, and move into their house fit for a king.
The idea for this story came from the detailed description in the Mahabharata. As I was reading, I pictured myself walking into this heavenly sight. Even better, through the eyes of an innocent child. A child does not see riches, but he does see beauty.
Bibliography. Epified TV in India by unknown authors. The series began in April 2015.
Hi Whitney,
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your story! You gave some great details about the city of Pandavia. Including those details can really help the story come to life. One thing that you could add is add something funny that the child does when he gets into the city. Adding some humor to the story can make the readers feel that the city is even more beautiful, welcoming, and lively. Thanks for sharing!
Hi again Whitney! Just read your Week 7 Storytelling assignment. I thought you did a great job writing this story for multiple reasons. First, I thought it was good because you started off with a introduction that made me interested in reading the rest of the story. Second, I thought the dialogue you inserted in the story was good and helped introduce more details about your story. Third, I thought you did a great job creating a new story compared to the original.
ReplyDeleteWhitney, You are a great writer! From the very first sentence I was hooked. I love how you mix up your paragraph styles, use capitalized letters for emphasis, and included images that enhanced your story. I love how you ended your author’s note: “A child does not see riches, but he does see beauty.” So true! I really enjoyed this!
ReplyDeleteHi again Whitney! This story was very well written! You added so much detail that I felt like I was present in the story itself! From the frighten child to the cumbersome of fruits in the carts. I also enjoyed when you added the simile, "I dropped momma’s hand and ran inside first faster than a jackrabbit." Very nice touch! You really understood the concept of beauty and how it does not have a price tag on it.
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