“Though I enjoy the life of the palace, a hermitage is my home, and my aging body yearns for it,” she continued.
“For you, my dearest wife, I would do anything. But how should we know if our offspring is ready for the heavy duties of a king? How will we know if it is still too much for him? What if he is an unjust King, how will I live?” Dushmanta emotionally asked.
“We will test him.” Shakuntala stated, as if a light had come on, for she glowed with the essence of her idea.
“I’ve got it!” he yelled. “We will see if it is his heart of gold he will lead with, or if he has selfish intentions. We will send him to Jabro, the poorest area of our city, and put him with a harsh servant who does not do all he asks, as he is used to. She will be our eyes; only then will we see the true heart our son possesses.”
“Very well, my greatest, see it through,” Shakuntala stated, after pondering idea. It seemed harsh, but in the end, it truly would test his temper, as well as his compassion for others.
So Dushmanta went to his favorite nurse, Jana, and asked if she knew anyone that would be fit to fulfill this deed. As it would be, she did: a fellow nurse by the name of Seila. She was an older woman, but not frail. She was strong and level-headed. Dushmanta and Shakuntala met with Seila and explained all they needed from her. She feared them initially (because of their royal status), but she realized by the end that all they wanted was to know that their son was truly ready to rule a kingdom.
The following week Bharat showed up to the home he would be staying at while conducting royal duties his father set for him. When he got out of the chariot he stood curiously at the door, and read the name of the inn repeatedly. It was nothing more than a shack, and he wondered if someone even lived there. Nevertheless, he decided to go in.
“Hello? Is anyone here? I was told I am to be expected. My name is Bharat,” he stated as he walked through the door. His eyes widened. The decor did not improve from outside to in; it actually got worse!
“I am Seila. And look here! You didn’t even wipe your shoes off!” a woman smarled as she turned the corner. “Go through that door there and set your stuff down, and then please come help me wash up for dinner.” She pointed to a sheet on the wall over a hole that Bharat could only assume was the door spoken of.
“Madam…” Bharat began, but he soon decided it was not worth the words. He did not believe she meant to be harsh, but rather, firm. He was about to remind her who he was, but he wanted to see how the night went. He set his belongings on the cot and returned to the main room.
Seila put a pot of chicken on the kindled fire. “Please finish the washing of these dishes and when you’re done let’s head to the river for the some cool drinks.”
Bharat considered what his father and mother would do in this situation. Despite the small fire brewing inside him, he realized that she had lived a life much harder than his, and she deserved to be a little bitter. Maybe he could help her out.
Finally, he walked over to the grand pot with dirty dishes in it and began cleaning them.
"I must find a way to help this woman," he thought to himself. "What can I do to show her that we, the royal family, still care for her?"
Bharat and Seila cleaned and cooked in silence, until Bharat broke had an idea.
“Dearest Seila, it is clear you have lived a hard and tiresome life, but you have stayed devoted to your King through it all. For that, I want to give you my favorite ring.” He removed the diamond-encrusted gold band from his finger, and placed it in her palm.
She stood wide-eyed, in shock. She did not expect this at all.
From the moment Dushmanta and Shakuntala found out their son’s great reverence, they knew his purity of heart was true. Dushmanta made Bharat the King, and his reign was peaceful. He was such a great king that the country of India still bears his name today.
Bharat and Seila cleaned and cooked in silence, until Bharat broke had an idea.
“Dearest Seila, it is clear you have lived a hard and tiresome life, but you have stayed devoted to your King through it all. For that, I want to give you my favorite ring.” He removed the diamond-encrusted gold band from his finger, and placed it in her palm.
She stood wide-eyed, in shock. She did not expect this at all.
From the moment Dushmanta and Shakuntala found out their son’s great reverence, they knew his purity of heart was true. Dushmanta made Bharat the King, and his reign was peaceful. He was such a great king that the country of India still bears his name today.
Indian King (Wikipedia)
Author's Note. This story is a small piece of a larger story, with the main piece coming from Nine Ideal Indian Women: Sita, Promila, and Shakuntala. This idea came from the third story, Shakuntala. I was so entranced during this story that I'm not sure if I blinked the whole way through! I enjoyed the plot and story line too much, so I decided not to make any changes to those. Instead, I decided to add a little fill where there was nothing more than a paragraph (the one at the end where Bharat suddenly grows up, becomes king, and has a great reign).
The ring in this story was not selected by chance; in the story of Shakuntala and Dushmanta, Dushmanata married Shakuntala in the forest and gives her a ring so his men could come back and get her. He became cursed to forget the one he loved until a token of his love (the ring!) was shown to him. Shakuntala lost it, and Dushmanta did not recognize her when she went to find him while very pregnant with their son, Bharat. A few years later, some fisherman find the ring and it is returned to Dushmanta. Once he sees the ring, he realizes what he had done and he finds Shakuntala and Bharat. Later in life, Dushmanta gave this ring to Bharat. This is why this ring is so important!
The picture I selected was done so very carefully. I did many searches for both Bharat and Shakuntala, where I almost always attained the same few pictures that I had already seen (though they didn't fit the idea I had in my head). I finally got the idea to look up Indian Kings, and I went through a few before I found a picture of one I thought looked noble enough to look similar to the gentle King Bharat. If you want to read more about King Shivaji (pictured), see here.
Bibliography. This story's characters come from Nine Ideal Indian Women: Sita, Promila, and Shakuntala by Sunity Devee in 1919.
Good job with this story! You can tell that Shakuntala and Dushmanta were kind and just rulers by the way that they raise Bharat. I liked them from the get go. I was interested to see if Bharat would turn out to be like them or a rotten egg that children of wealthy families can so easily become. I was pleased to find out it was the former. Very entertaining read!
ReplyDeleteWhitney, this story was awesome! I really liked how you stuck to the script for the most part. I also read the Nine Ideal Indian Women stories so I know what you mean when you said you couldn't stop reading about Shakuntala. This story was so intense. You did a fantastic job of retelling it in a dialogue manner. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi again Whitney,
ReplyDeleteYou did a really good job with this story. You kept me engaged the entire time. I even want to go look up more about Shakuntala, Dushmanta and the Nine Ideal Indian Women. I must go read the original stories, but it sounds like you did a great job expanding in areas that lacked details and providing more background to characters. Great job! Keep it up :)
Great detail Whitney. Your story made me want to imagine the different voices of the characters whenever they spoke! I haven't read the Nine Ideal Indian Women but now you make me want to! I enjoyed your Author's note too. You kept is concise and easy for the reader to understand your point of view. You are an excellent writer and I can't wait to see what you come up with next! Continue on!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story, Whitney! In my experience, one of the hardest things can be to remain faithful to the plot while still making the story your own, and I think you were really successful! I especially like the way you characterized each of the individuals in the story, making it really clear what their intentions were. In a story like this, where the actions can seem complicated or indirect, having very pure, evident personalities and motivations at work really helped me connect to your writing. Great job!
ReplyDeleteOne thing I really admire about your writing style is your ability to weave in morals to your stories without being overbearing. You approach these moralizing lessons perfectly, in a way that reminds me of a bedtime story. Well done!
ReplyDeleteMy only critique is that the beginning is a little too long. We don't really get into the main story until the last half. I think you could trim the dialogue up and shorten some of the descriptions in the beginning and the story would be a lot stronger for it!
Whitney,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this story. I like how you began the story with dialogue as if the reader is hopping right into their conversation. Also, the idea to “test” Bharat to see if he is ready to take over the throne is a great plot for this story! Although I do wonder how Dushmanta presented these “royal duties” to Bharat initially. It might be nice to know if he does these duties often or not, so this it doesn’t seem suspicious to Bharat that all of the sudden he has these duties to fulfill. I like that Bharat opted for showing kindness and mentioning that he could help her out. So sweet! I always enjoy when stories have happy endings. I think you chose a wonderful picture for your story. It is always nice to get a real visual of what the characters look like. Thanks for the great read!
Whitney,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. It is definitely a new take on an old tale. I like the idea of making sure the Bharat was ready to rule and testing his heart by having him challenged by the help.
There are a few things that read a little wonky though:
“and then please come help me wash up for dinner.”
“Please finish the washing of these dishes…”
“Until Bharat broke had an idea…”
The decor did not improve from outside to in. Hilarious. I loved that line, it really gave the story some levity.
I really liked your author's note. It explained the importance of the ring and let the audience know where the inspiration for the story came from. I also like that you did so many searches and did not just do the first picture that you came across. Good job!
The dialog feels a bit herky jerky in places. You may want to go back through and talk through what your characters are saying to see how it sounds. That way you can see where there are problem areas with speech patterns.